This time last year......

I am not going to start my post with Gaza, and supporting its people, I am very sorry for them I detest what has happened and what is still happening, I also will not use the will never forget will never forgive crap, because yes we, as ignorant, non believers, and needless to say we're all about talk talk talk bla bla bla (mara7 yitla3 bi2eedna shiiiii) we dont know how to forgive to forgive in the first place and then the forget part, sorry but what the heck can we chickens do, grow up, its said that vengeance is for God, even though I some times say beware I do tend to steal it from him but what the heck, nothing can be done!! or even SAID we did this to our selves we better live with the consequences......
This time last year I wasnt here, I was in Palestine, I was alive.... now after going through what I have went through I wish I could go back there!!! I miss the beauty of living..

This is just to remind me

So I decided to visit Amman, after 9 months of being away! I can't deny that I have missed it, but damn its different, the people are different, I don't know maybe I have changed. this is just to remind me one day of my feelings that I had when I came back to visit my family. this is just to remind me how I enjoyed the first three days doing all these pranks on family members and friends, and t his is just to remind me that my feelings haven't changed towards some elements hatred is still there, and this is just to remind me about my nervous break down that I had when i visited my school and where I worked and in front of my kids I cried like a baby, I never realized that the Amman Baptist School music suite was my haven back then, and I knew I wasn't ready to visit it because I wasn't ready to leave it when I left it........
To many mixed up feelings, too much negative energy surrounds my aurora, I know for sure now that I want to leave!

I walk down the street....

1. I walk down the street, there's a deep hole in the side walk, I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes years to find a way out!
2. I walk down the street, there's a deep hole in the side walk, I pretend I don't see it. I fall in. I cant believe I'm in the same place!! But its not my fault, it still takes a long time to get out..
3. I walk down the street, there's a deep hole in the side walk, I see it there, I STILL fall in, its a habit... My eyes are open, I know where I am, its all my fault. I get out immediately.
4. I walk down the street, there's a deep hole in the side walk...... I walk around it.
5. I walk down the street, No No No!! I walk down a different street..........

My Mom's PHONE BOOK

I Have always wanted to blog about this, I hope my mom reads it!
My mom has the world most funniest phone book ever, its so hilarious it makes me angry whenever I have to use it, especially when Mom calls when I am at home and asks me for a number...

it might sound like this:

MOM: Hind a3tini raqam il taxi (give me the taxi number)
ME: ok......

so the journey begins:

I look under
T for taxi but NO LUCK
M for muwasalat.... no luck
W for wheels NO LUCK....

SO I GIVE UP!!! I call the directory and text her the number!!!

but never mind this is only one of those Numerous examples! this one cracks me up, I cant stop laughing when ever I think of it.....

Mom: Hind i7ki ma3 JET ou i7jizili bukra 3ala Suurya (please call the JET company and book a ticket to Syria)
ME: wein il raqam ( where is the number)
MOM: bil daftar ya3ni Hind wein biddo ykuun (in the phone book where would it be) then she giggles because I sigh in a weird way which she totally understands.

ME: ok Yamma

FRUSTRATED....

I look under
M for MUWASALAT
J for JET
B for BUS
S for SYRIA or SOMETHING
A for ANYWHERE

And as usual, I call back and kindly say: "I couldn't find it"

ME: mama ma la2eito (I couldn't find it)
MOM: dawri mnee7 (search well)
ME: WEIN BIL ZABT (where exactly) its not under M J B S A
MOM:Yimken lazem tdawri 3ind (93) ( maybe you should look under A)
ME: WHAT THE...... WHY 3 ??
MOM: 3ashano bil 3abdali (its under A because its located in the ABDALI)

I still cant figure out how she does this, because this was only the Jet bus company.... I bet my number would be stored under D because I am her Daughter, while my Fathers number is under O because he's Outta Town!!!

6 Months= Half a year... random thoughts

I never thought about it! but yup... tomorrow February the 16th marks HALF a YEAR for me HIND SABANEKH

Half a year....
-Away from Amman
-Away from my Home, Family, BED!!!
-Away from my friends.....

HALF A YEAR
-In heaven
-heading towards my goals and dreams
.......................................................................................................................
HIGHLIGHT OF FEELINGS

It was only yesterday when I came here... but its not!
I remember August was a dream come true,
I remember in September I couldn't believe I was here
I remember in October My first HOME Solo concert
after that in November I packed my bag to leave
..............I CHANGED MY MIND..................
I remember in December I cried my way to sleep
Then it was the New year......
January marked a glorious beginning
and February is just the same

........................................................................

To Mom,
I miss you so much, I Love you too! stop crying... I'll be back soon... I hope

To Dad,
I can't find the right words to tell you THANKS!! for what??? for letting me do this!

To Wael, Shireen , and Nick My brothers and sister,
I am not crazy, I am not silly... I know what I am doing... thanks for standing beside me! You are all the best

To Hussam MY FAVORITE brother,
I Love you more than words, and I miss you more that anything and anyone!! I miss getting on your nerves, I miss everything about you... even your silly childish pronunciation....
I miss you getting on my nerves... fighting for the car..... or anything else!! I know I have been a pain in the ass, but you'll always be my favorite brother... I love you... you were the only one who never doubted me... you always believed in me! I know you still do!

Dear Friends,
you know who you are, I miss you....
..............................................................................................................

6months= half a year!
thats only the beginning!

Its The little things that count..

I have been away since August 16th, I won't deny that I went through the "homesickness" syndrome for a while in the beginning but I got over it quickly, everybody here was so supportive and friendly..... but what I miss is the little stuff that made my life unique back then in Amman:
1. I miss PLAY and MOOD FM most.
2. I miss my Sameera (my car) and driving in the streets pumpinng the volume up listening either to clasical music or techno.
3. I miss my Garden
4. I miss my students
5. I miss Muna's room
6. I miss driving Hussam my brother crazy and we might end up fighting and hitting each other! :D
7. I miss the way my nephew pronounces my name!
......
its the small things that count in the end....

If You're happy and you know it THINK AGAIN!!!!

I often ask my self this question, AM I HAPPY??? well so what even if I am WHY the hell am I happy, whats there to be happy about!! so here comes the THINK AGAIN part......



I am not pessimistic, on the contrary, people around me often beg me to change my funny, happy personality they say its TOO MUCH, damn it people now there's a level for happiness as well ..... so I usually try to get to the meaning of this H word, and what I came up with is that the secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it. SO SHOULD I LIE!!! well to be honest no one is the main cause of my Happiness (thats if I had it), but then I rememer Aristotle's famous words: "Happiness depends upon ourselves." thats why I am happy!!! I cause it and I end it and I don't intend to any time soon!

RIP Amer Madi.

Yesterday, January 16th 2009, Jordan has lost an important person, one of the great Jordanian musicians/composers of all times in my opinion at least Mr. Amer Madi, may your soul rest in peace.
It was only yesterday when me and you used to sit down at your home and make fun of everything and talk about anything, I will never forget how you used to ask me about all these difficult rhythms that i must have known, nor will I forget the way you believed in me, you believed in me in a way no one has ever done.
You were more than a musician to me, you were a mentor, a teacher, and a Father.

Oubaida,
your father had a lot of achievements, fortunately you were one of them and by far the best, may God give you and your wonderful mom the strength to continue what he started,
I know what your father meant to you and I am so sorry I can't be in Amman to stand right there beside you.

Funeral Blues, is my current blues scale..... if it had notes it would sound something like this!


Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

Counting my way to SLEEP!!!!!

Have you ever had to count anything jump over any other thing so you can fall asleep??
I have and I bet you have done this as well, such as how many goats/sheep can jump over the fence? how many cars pass in a certain street?...etc

when ever I think of this sleeping "technique" if I may call it that way, I remember a joke in which a person has not been able to fall asleep for a long time, so he went to doctors, took pills did everything and still it all didn't work until one day one of his friends told him to go and count until one thousand!!! He thought he'll give it a try, and so he did, he put him self in bed started counting and by the time he reached 600 he got extremely sleepy, he got out of bed and washed his face in order to continue!!!

The other night I couldn't sleep, so I decided to count something. I didn't feel like counting, sheep, cars, or numbers.

What I counted was how many Israelis could be kicked higher than the wall and drop dead, and believe me that wasn't a nice thing to count, I didn't fall asleep until I managed to kick almost every single one of them, I was so sleepy I asked for help, I even started kicking them out in twos I also managed to get a couple of my niece's imaginary friends to do so as well....

I wish we can do that one day! Just kick them out before we go to bed, wake up the next morning and it's all good, and all gone!!