Help.... Yes I need it. I'm Willing to do what ever it takes just to get out of this place. Suffocation is what I'm dealing with most of the week, the rest I suffer from other things, mostly drowning as if I'm being pulled by a greater force to the unknown (I'm sure its not water), (sometimes bakuuun shway mrash7a) I hold on to the last ray of light I have that connects me to the most realistic part of my dreamy world (daw min il share3 i guess daw il baladyeh)... I see it there, I try to reach out. Everything is impossible. Out of reach. No explanation, no truth, no nothing. I finally fall asleep...
I hate that stile of writing... But that doesn't change the main subject, sorry if you found me very lame, boring, weird, what ever you wanna call me .... Etc but I want to get out of Jordan for the sake of Jordan and ME!!
I really love my country more than anything in the world (not really true I haven't seen all the world) but sometimes you have to go and let go!
Me and my friends in the conservatory are suffering here, Amman is killing us softly and what ever we do doesn't satisfy her!! Honestly its not our problem any more we tried so hard but its all the same £$%^ but different toilet, people of Ammann are still not ready for what ever is going on and what ever were trying to do!
I remember a few years ago a friend of ours went to study in Canada and he was the happiest Dude ever(hada il 7aki zaman), fortunately for the conservatory they got their selves a good teacher but unfortunately for him he came back to find nothing worth coming back for and he turned to the most depressed Dude for 2 months(jdeeed).. (no hedidn'tt get over it he went back cultural shock you may call it if you want).
soI'll re-phrase my title: I Need to get out of the hell I'm in here! not that I mean anything bad, but I want to know what i'm truely made of in a place that appreciates what we do! even if it was on corners of streets! at least i wont feel that I've studied what I've studied for nothing!
11 comments:
Hind Hind Hind ... Calm down ...
Trust me, the grass is always greener on the other side.
You will get out .. eventually just to realize ... The world isn't as nice as it sounds ... or as we think of it ... and wherever you go .. it's going to be the same
Anyway, I believe the change is [sometimes] good ... Give it a shot But remember what I just told you
By the way, welcome to Qwaider Planet
Qwaider, i know whatyou said now is all correct, it wont be nice as it sounds i totally agree... but at least theres a chance to develop and be a better person in what you do! i'm talking about nothing but music my feild of study and life actually! what can i do with it here! i need a change, we need a change Amman needs to change!
I hear you... And yes, I support you in your decision to pursue your study. Go for it, it's worth it since we're a little behind in this.
thanks man for your support!
and as Ella Fitzgerald (jazz singer) once said: "just dont give up trying to do what ever you want to do. where there's love and inspiration, I dont think you can go wrong."
Ok, I will be serious, which something that is hard for me to do, anyhooo, I will tell you from experience, I had the same problem when I was living in jordan, I always felt that I do not belong there, I thought that I was born at the wrong time and place.
You are still 19, the whole world and the whole life is still ahead of you, it is going to take time, it is still early to face the world, but get ready by preparing you self for what is coming, believe me it is tough out there, you need to work hard, the best thing for you to do is get your BA, apply for graduate schools and get an admission outside Jordan, and take it from there, and good luck, I hope that was helful :-)
Abu Shakuush, you're right, i totally agree with you and thats what i'm exactly doing! getting prepared for battle i'll be done with my B.A after 1 year, and when that happens i'll be finishing my 4th year work experience in teaching music! :) so i think i'm on the track you just discribed? (correct me if wrong)
you are doing the right thing, i think that you wrote that post at a pissed off moment. keep up the good work.
abu shakuush, you're right again! i was very pissed off when i wrote it! thanks for the support dude! and all of you also you're all great :)
Hind... I hear you. But do know that your decision to do what you're doing, the battle you're fighting, and every step you're taking all make a huge difference. Every music note you make echoes and makes a difference. Don't give up. It's hard, yes... and it's not gonna be easy, but it's not impossible either. Running away or being somewhere else would definitely make life easier, but while you're in this frame of time and place, take here and now to make yourself, to build and better yourself to the best of your knowledge, and don't worry about what's to come. Make the most of these years and, like the wonderful quote you shared, you can never go wrong with love and inspiration, with all your heart and your energy set in the direction of your dream.
Part of me surrendered to society and I'm honestly not proud of it. But you didn't. Your love for music, your determination to pursue what makes you happy and what you know you can make others happy with, were stronger than all obstacles- keep that strength. You refused to kneel before the fake titles and paper gods, and one day, people will follow you. You make it possible.
All the best:)
Rania.... 3ala rasi! thanks for the support, it means alot to me! and hopefully i wont be running away to make stuff easier i'm looking forward to making a way to reach for were its easier! running is not an option coz if i run away i guess i can run away another day! :) peace
Post a Comment